For FHE tonight we talked to the kids (for the 100th time) about the value of work and responsibility hoping to make a little headway in the "helping out" department. We really want the kids to be aware of the all the things that go into making our house run smoothly. Yes, the list is endless and yes, it is overwhelming, but it is even more so if mom has to do 99% of it.
Cord and I want our kids to look around themselves and notice the dirty sock balled up in the middle of the floor -- and pick it up. Or the bright blue streak of toothpaste laden spit in the bathroom sink -- and wipe it up (not to mention the pee on the toilet seat). Our hope is that when they leave our home they will be able to do some of those things for themselves. We want our kids to be self-sufficient. We want the to know how to vacuum a room well (including the corners) and sort and launder their clothes, clean the bathroom and change the sheets on their beds. The problem is that they don't want to do it.
Our teaching is instead seen as some sort of torture and punishment. They seem to think it's fun for us to "make" them clean (when I could do 10x faster). So our problem lies in the motivation of our offspring. I feel like I am the mean robot mom repeating the same message over and over and over again. We have tried job charts, treats and other motivations and they work for a while and mainly with the younger pups. So what is a poor mom to do? I'd love some suggestions.
14 comments:
Amen! I unfortunatley have the same problem. The only time they are more "motivated" is when there is some type of reward. So I ask them isn't a happy mom enough of a reward? They don't seem to agree! We had a FHE about chores, work last week.
BTW.. can you whip me up one of those bags you made in all your spare time please! So cute!
Ugh, I think that is one of the very hardest things about parenthood! This is the book I have on my Goodreads "The Parenting Breakthrough: Real-Life Plan to Teach Your Kids to Work, Save Money, and Be Truly Independent" by Merrilee Boyack. A girl in my ward told me about it and it sounds great. I have to wait until next month b/c my Amazon bill for this month is CRAZY. Oh, and don't even bother looking at the library, it's never there.
You're speaking my language. I've tried about a million ways to convey this message to my kids. If you have a break-through let me know.
Pray?
i struggle with being consistent. It's so hard to keep with everything.
So I don't have any other advice but I guess it's always somewhat comforting to know we are all fighting similar, uphill battles.
OH....It is so nice to be the Grandma....
I remember the same battle. Good luck to all of you...they do grow but only some of mine have learned the lessons taught at home, just ask a daughter-in-law!
Mom -- I'm glad you didn't say son-in-law or mention the time you peeked into my basement and saw a mountain (really) of laundry waiting to be washed. I think it was six feet tall (really)!
holy crap! that is the 6 million dollar question! guess what we were doing last night? cleaning under the beds!!!!!!!
we did this cool thing a while ago as a trial and it worked pretty well. we need to purchase it and see if it would still work. it's called myrewardboard.com it's a cool computer based chore/reward chart. you can do all kinds of customizations on it. granted my oldest is only 10 so it may not work for your older ones, but my girls loved it. maybe it was the fact that they could go onto the computer and put the "stickers" on themselves and each time they do that all the stickers cheered for them. then there are fun little short games to play. they each get their own "room" and can customize it they way they like it.
but alas, maybe that would cause more chaos with the computer. but it's worth a try. the program costs about $20.
i think i will have to check these comments again to see if i can get some more good ideas.
yeah, and i am with you on the sock thing. "can we please pick it up and not strategically step around it?" come on people!!!! and what is with the dirty underwear in the bed with you?????
why do people think that girls are neater than boys? it is NOT true!
let's see. .. you can yell and nag all the time. jk.
all mothers have the same struggle. i think kristin hit one thing that is important, consistency. if something is expected one day, but not the next, what lesson are we teaching?
About once a week I will give my kids a certain amount of time to go around the house and pick up and clean their rooms. I tell them that if I find anything left out, I am going to get a bag and put it in it. I follow through, too. I have actually thrown things away, and so they know I am serious. There have been a handful of things that I have found that I don't throw away, but just put up for a month or so. They have to earn the right to get it back. this has worked for me.
I try to get them to pick up every night, but not always with the bag threat! But when I tell them that they have fifteen minutes to pick up and I am getting the bag out, you should see them move! I also learn what is important to them. If I find the same toy laying around, I know I can get rid of it!
Let me know if you get any other fantastic ideas. I think I have the messiest kids around!
one more thing,
I have no answer for the sock on the floor problem. I just nag them about that!
Oh yeah-We have those "Family Meetings" too. I think they have replaced Family Home Evening. This is one thing my kids like--its not for a long-term solution, but it does make the cleaning kind of fun. I usually use it on one of those it's-Saturday-get-the-whole-house-clean occasions. I separately write down all of the needed chores on pieces of paper, fold them up and put them in a cup. We crank up the music and then everyone has to draw from the cup and perform the chore. When you get your chore done, you draw another one. I'm usually in charge of Lauren so that I can help her with those chores that require a little extra work/teaching. The fun part comes in because some of the chores will include silly things like "Go outside and yell "I love my mom" in your loudest voice." "Or do 10 push-ups". Or "Go tell your dad he is a lazy bum". I also put a "Go with mom to get everyone a Coke" chore. It's the goofiest thing, but they all love it. Even Cade will participate. He may roll his eyes, but he doesn't complain.
Other than that, when it comes to the mess, I just try to keep my eyes straight forward and ignore that I'm tripping over someone's dirty clothes. (HA) Good luck to all of us!
I was going to suggest that book that Robyn mentioned...we found it to be VERY helpful...and we are constantly fighting the same battle here.
I found you through Rachel Foxcroft's blog...I went to school with Cord in SJ. (Just so you know I'm not a total stalker).
love the bag thing. forgot that i actually do that too. my mom did that to us when we were growing up and we had to pay to get the item out. i make the girls pay me or do a chore to get the thing out. if it stays in there too long it goes to goodwill or craigslist!
and i only tell them once and then if it's still there at night it's gone into "toy prison". that's what we call it.
Thanks for all the ideas ladies! I will be trying some of them and getting that book too.
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